Appreciated.
I guess sometimes I really long to be appreciated. Well, maybe not just sometimes but all the time. As a consequence of that, many times I get let down. Yet there are still some moments when I feel really blessed to have true friends around me.
As a start, I finally quit my job. It wasn’t easy. I love the kids. Really. But I cannot accept the surroundings anymore. To be shouted at, spoken rudely at, looked down upon, I just really have enough. I didn’t know from where I plucked the courage to approach her. But I did. I know it sounds funny, but yeah, I didn’t dare go to her. For days I’ve been bugging my friends with my problems especially to Janet, Jinni, Sean, Hugh, Rachel, TMF. If it weren’t them drilling into my head that I should leave the place I’m being treated unfairly. Anyway, at first I didn’t dare approach her but I did. What an accomplishment. It went fairly well. Of course I already expected she would say the usual like “I’m so disappointed with you” and “You wouldn’t survive doing other jobs” or “You’re just waiting your time doing sales”. All as expected. She surely does think I’m not good enough. Since the first day I started working. For a year and 8 months I’ve been there and I absolutely do not know where I got the patience to have dealt with her for so long. Well, as a friend says, “She’s the most crude person you’ll ever meet so take her as a challenge. I thought the resignation went well. But employers will always counter-offer. She said stuff like, “Oh, I was going to offer you a fixed pay and a raise. You could help me develop a way to help the students learn better”, “don’t stay for me, stay for the students. Think of them, they won’t have a teacher”. All in the name of making me stay. One reason that I would stay is to complete the english course offerred. I haven’t done it yet and I know it can improve my language. I did think I would consider staying.
Little did I know, she was just thinking for her own sake. Never for mine. She thinks working helped me in scoring. After that talk with her, the students came in. After a few hours while I was teaching, I could hear clearly from a few feet away, her talking to my friend about me. Oh, the things she says. I know she doesn’t think much of me but don’t like gossip right in front of me. They talked so loudly thinking I could not hear. Or maybe they just didn’t think I knew Cantonese. I was utterly appalled when she referred to me as “ko chek ye” (direct translation as “that thing” but used to call someone with disrespect). Like, how can you do that lah? Didn’t understand why she still wanted me to stay when she thinks so lowly of me. She said she wished I would stay till I graduate and blah blah blah. As Janet says, if she was really thinking on my behalf, she would me encouraging me to focus on my studies and not working for her because in the end it is not her who wish for me to do well. She just needs someone to be there and work for her.
I’m sure she knows that she will never be able to offer a job to people who are really experienced in teaching and who would stay long with her and that’s probably why she tries to make me stay because since I’m not good enough, she doesn’t have to offer much. Thank God for friends who shouts at my ears telling me to leave that horrid place.
I definitely love the children. They were the reason I stayed. I would really miss them.
But anyhow, I’m determined to leave. That gossip-of-hers-right-in-front-of-me has helped me stand firm in my decision. I’m leaving because I can’t stand her anymore. I was thinking, if I really wanna try the whole kumon english course I can work at other centres. I’m not gonna stay anymore.
I’m leaving for a job that is a new beginning and a new challenge. It’s not gonna be easy but I am willing to work hard and try.
A toast to a new beginning!